Fart Fans

Maybe it was a bet. That seems possible. Or it could be the cynical action of an embittered man like Tyler Durden taking a wiz in the clam chowder. I don’t know, but Jimmy Lennon Junior says “fart fans” every time he’s on TV. 

You’ve heard it. Right after he introduces the three judges he says, “And the third man in the ring is Jack Reiss.” (Pause) “Fart fans, here we go! 12 rounds of boxing in the welterweight division . . . .”

Maybe he and Michael Buffer got drunk one night, and one of them thought of it and it became a dare, then a bet, and here we are.

Check it out, turn it up loud, listen closely. There ain’t no doubt about it: he says, “fart fans.”

I had one friend try to say it was “Alright fans.” As if. This is a man that makes millions (he does) by speaking clearly. That’s basically all he does, and he clearly says “fart fans.”

Or maybe he’s just irked that Buffer makes more money than he does. Maybe he’s jealous of his good looks and rock star status. Maybe like the frustrated 20 year old that draws dicks on poop stall walls, he does it because it momentarily makes him feel a little better. 

Maybe there’s a thrill wondering if this is the time someone will catch on.

If that’s what it is, it’s a pretty good scam. I mean, it’s impolite, sure, but it’s just little-kid naughty. If he was working in an adult cuss word, that would surely attract a lot more attention. But “fart fans” is kind of innocuous. People don’t hear it. I mean, they hear it, but they don’t give it a second thought, supposing that to call attention to it would make them look childish. 

Good thing I’m here not giving a crap.

You have to admire Michael Buffer though. At 74, he still looks good, he’s got a hot wife, and he’s worth millions.

And that looks to me to be one sweet gig. 

I imagine he shows up early, gets a handle on how to pronounce the fighter’s names (BTW he totally booted Ruiz’s name when announcing the particulars after the fight: he said, “Andy Ruse, Junior”), the judges names, the referee’s names, etc. No one wants to hear him stumble over a name, as much as he charges.

He has to get his hair and makeup done and so forth. He wears a tux, so that probably takes a little while to put on. 

Still, all in all, that sounds like a pretty light workload. 

He made up the “Let’s get ready to rumble” thing. That was his from the start. I remember back in the eighties it made the news that he was trying to get the phrase trademarked, and we all thought that was ridiculous. We made jokes about it. 

He got his trademark in 1992. Various sources around the internet say he has earned in excess of $400 million from that move, though he says the real number is “a lot less.” Even so, my man got it going on.

Then there’s David “for the love of God, someone get the hedge clippers” Diamante. (Shudders.) I can’t even pretend to know what that’s about.

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